This is the second time this week i have written in my journal a huge paragraph only to delete everything i just said, Say what i had to say then hit the back button all the way back to erase it all.
We are both so busy with work and life in general
i miss your voice, i miss your kiss, i miss your touch,
i miss your fun flirty ways, your compliments, the way you look at me.
i miss you.
i tried to flirt, i talked dirty, sent shameful text
i knew you were working, i wanted to put a smile on your face.
i love your smile.
i know you are Master and i am the submissive, but i want to cuff you to my bed, blindfold you
pull your boxers down with my teeth, then tie you spread eagle,
i want to feel your naked skin against my naked skin,
i want do wild, shameless, very very naughty things to you while you lie there helpless to me.
i want you. i desire you. i need you. you will need me.
i miss you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
i was going to write in here tonight, but i have nothing interesting to say. Guess i will continue to read Blow him away how to give him mind blowing oral sex by Marcy Michaels, Marie Dasalle it may help me smile, and maybe just maybe i can start that book report. Actually that is interesting.
When going on my trip i was told to be at the airport two hours early. i can understand this, because when you arrive there is so much to do. Printing up my boarding pass the day before was a help so i didn’t have to do that. It still takes time to check your bags in and go through security, then find your gate where you will wait for and board the plane. i haven’t had experience in this so it was all new to me. The last time i flew before this month was thirty one years ago, times have drastically changed. The first airport went fairly smooth for me with the exception that i wore my submissive necklace that has a lock on it. i went through the x-ray machine then i was told to wait for a female security, because they saw something on the monitor and i would have to be patted down. i saw where the X was on the monitor and i could clearly tell it was my necklace and anyone who had any common sense could also see that but no. i waited and kept an eye on my purse and carry on that was on the conveyor belt as people that were behind me were being passed through and getting their belongings. The female security officer came and proceeded to pat down my bra area. i told her look at the picture and you can see it is my necklace. “Oh okay Go ahead.” Then i gathered my belonging and went to wait for my plane. All in all security went pretty quickly considering i was sent to the express lane. i had a short layover that was about ten minutes at the next airport and was on my way to my destination. When i arrived at my destination it was a very large airport and i got lost, i wandered around for a little while. i had to make a phone call and the person that was picking me up found my luggage for me and then guided me to where she was.
When i left after two great weeks in Las Vegas, i was dropped off at the airport. i was by myself. All of the employees at the McCarren International Airport were friendly and were very helpful and i had no problems checking in my baggage. The security officers were kind and respectful and everything went very smooth. In no time i was through security and ready to board the plane.
After a few hours in the sky, it was time for a layover at Kansas City, MO airport. I never ever want to have a layover there again. All i could think of as i was getting off the plane was finding a restroom as soon as possible. All the other airports i had been too once you are through security and you land at your next destination for a lay over you can go to the restroom and not have to go through security again. i got off the plane and immediately went to find a rest room which was just outside where i walked in. i walked past the security officer straight to the bathroom across the hall. He looked right at me as i walked through. Within two minutes i was out of there. i headed back because i had to catch my next plane. i was stopped by the security officer. He told me i was not allowed in there. i showed him my boarding pass and politely let him know i just had to use the restroom and i needed to catch my plane. He stood there with his arms crossed blocking the way and told me that i could not go back in . Once i leave the area i have to go through security. i informed him that he just watched me come off the plane, i really had to use the restroom and if i had to go through security i might miss my plane. He still stood there arms crossed, legs open at attention and told me i needed to go to security again. i was so frustrated, i am not a criminal and i hate getting lost in airports. i get lost so easy too. So now i was frustrated and upset. i asked him where i would find security. He pointed to the right and said just follow the path you will see the ropes. He said “You better start walking”. At this point i couldn’t believe he was making me do this and i muttered ” What an asshole.” i know he heard me. Then i walked and walked and started to think i would never find it then off in the distance i saw the roped off area. There i had to dig out my ID and show my boarding pass, then the real fun began. All this because i had to use the restroom. i entered the security area. There was a conveyor belt and security officers. The security officer at the conveyor belt said to take off my sweater, take of my shoes, i was wearing sandals, obviously would not be hiding anything in sandals but fine i humored him. i had to take my watch off. Then i put my carry on bag on the conveyor belt and my purse in a tote. Then he announced if i had any electronic equipment such as laptops, tablets, phones, etc. to take them out of the carry on and put them in the totes provided. i was trying to save time because i was worried i would miss my plane. i quickly opened my carry on suit case removed my laptop, my clothes steamer, then out of my purse took out my tablet and my phone and placed them all in a tote, they all fit in one. He started yelling at me to put all my electronics in a tote. i didn’t get it. i had all my electronics in a tote. All i am thinking at this point is what is his problem.. He kept yelling and i have to say when someone is yelling and shouting, and i am frustrated and upset i naturally tune them out. Completely. He wouldn’t let my tote go through with my electronics and kept yelling something and i finally said “i don’t understand what you want”. This didn’t help. He got louder, then i realized he wanted each individual in a tote by itself. Fine, i put each item in its own tote and put my purse in a tote open i wasn’t going to empty that, i had personal items in there i didn’t want everyone to see that was standing in line. Then right before i got in the x-ray machine he says “Did you empty your pockets?” i said “i don’t have any pockets.” He says “looks like you were saved there.” i stepped in the x-ray machine. This time i was not wearing any jewelry except a small bracelet. Now i am standing there in a tank top and very tight leggings, barefoot and i was stopped after going in the machine by a female officer who made me raise my arms and ask me a stupid question. Something regarding what do you have under there, pointing to my shirt area. Ummm, ME, i had had quite enough and was feeling so frustrated at this point, i was about to remove my shirt and ask if she would like a closer look. But i refrained. i began to gather my belongings which involved getting my belongings out of the totes and proceeded to look for my purse that had been separated from all my other things and it finally showed up. They must have searched through it because when i put it on the belt all of my things were together in order. i put my sweater and shoes on. After all this i went to look for my gate to catch my plane and i could not believe it, but i guess with all the excitement i had to use the restroom again! i decided i better hold it. i found my gate and waited for my plane. As i sat there i realized i had about a little over a half hour or so and i remembered passing a starbucks in the area. It was fairly close to where i was sitting. i got a cafe mocha, something i am very familiar with, then went right back to the gate and sat down. As i sipped on my cafe mocha i thought of Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz. My next thought was what a horrible airport this was, the next time i fly anywhere i will make sure my lay over does not go to this airport in Kansas, MO and i pondered. “if i click my heels three times, i wonder if i would get home now?” i was obviously wearing the wrong shoes, it didn’t work. i should have worn some red sparkly heels with bows like the shoes worn by Dorothy (Judy Garland) .
My flight out had a short delay, but once i got on that plane and it was in the air and they turned off the fasten your seat belt sign, i was finally able to use the restroom without worrying about missing my plane, i was on the plane, and it was headed home.
i had the best vacation. i spent two weeks in Las Vegas with a relative that i have not seen in a very long time. We have made so many memories. We were able to sit and talk about so many things of the past, present and future. We compared our childhoods, our marriages, our lives. The shows she took me to were absolutely amazing. i had so many new experiences from being on a airplane, getting lost in an airport 🙂 , shows on the Vegas Strip include popular singers, rock bands, the famous Chippendales, beautiful hotel gardens, casinos everywhere and shopping galore. Of course, i learned how to play Keno, and everywhere we went to eat there was always way more than enough food and drinks.
The weather and scenery in Nevada was absolutely beautiful. The air was drier and lighter. So many mountains, no matter which direction i looked in because we were in the valley, therefore surrounded by mountains. i took so many pictures. Funny how i had to go on vacation and leave a very tropical state to practically the other side of the country to lay out by pool and get a sunburn. i left here looking pale, and came back with a tan. It took me to travel 3000 miles to get me out of my office and get a tan.
The relative i went to see was my sister. i could never thank my sister enough. She invited me to visit her, stay at her house, paid for my plane fare to and from, treated me to so many events, fed me, chauffeured me, and introduced me to so many of her friends. We made up for so many years of lost time. Before i left she gave me a lesson on how to pack, lol. i have never had to pack to go anywhere, i took half my closet with me. 🙂 .
This was my first vacation in over three decades and i feel great. Next time i won’t wait so long to take a break and go on vacation.
My next write will be about the airport security, lol, and the airport i will avoid next time.
i have not written in my journal lately, i am on vacation and busier than ever. Having a great time in Las Vegas!!! i love it here. It is so beautiful. i am in the valley surrounded by mountains. i am in awe.
It has been a long day today! A rainy day too, i had a slow start, but i made it to the gym early afternoon. and worked out. i have been trying to increase the weight on the ab machine. i started out on the ab machine, forgot to stretch first, but it went well anyway. i started out with 45 lbs of weights and did 100 ab crunches. Then i decided to try 50 lbs. that is the most i have ever tried on that machine, since it is the abs doing the work i am still trying to get them in shape. With 50 lbs of weights i was only able to do an additional 13 ab crunches, Then i moved onto the throne where i did 45 leg lifts. They seem to be getting easier to do. i wish i had done more of the other machines before i hopped on that treadmill. But i didn’t. i went on the treadmill and did a little over three miles. When i was done with the treadmill i was so sweaty that i didn’t go on the other machines. i went home and had lunch and stalled as much as i could because this is the time of the year for those dreaded taxes, i hate doing taxes, it is quite the job. Needless to say i have been at it all night and all i have done is look for receipts. Now i can’t find my desk! LOL, it is under all these papers!
i took a few minute to unpack the bag that i forgot to unpack since my special little get together. i told him i would unpack it the other night, then i got busy and forgot. Such sweet memories as i was unpacking everything. The handcuffs he had put on my wrist, the ankle cuffs he put on me, blindfold, a few other items. Sigh…. i miss him. Feelings of happiness remembering the time we had together in and out of the room and sadness because he had to leave until next time.. Mixed emotions thinking of the happy memories, but feeling so sad that i am putting all those things away, i am going to call it a night because tomorrow is another day. It is time for some needed sleep. My dreams usually have him in them now. At least he is here in my dreams until i see him again.
Went to the gym after working today. My work out as follows
treadmill 3 miles
ab crunch machine 45 lbs 120 times
throne leg lifts 45 times
i went at a different time today and apparently around 5:15 in the evening must be a popular time for people to work out. It was kind of crowded. i was lucky to get the machines when i did, including the treadmill. Note to self: Don’t go at 5:15 in the evening anymore. Too many people. Not that i don’t like people, i do, but i like to have an easy selection of machines available to use when i want them.
How i feel today:
Final days approaching and i forgot to work out yesterday remembering at almost 11 pm while i was on facebook. Like i had spare time or something! lol. All of a sudden it was like a light turned on, i hurried, cleared my history, lol, shut down the laptop, found my shoes and hurried off to the gym! i was completely alone in there, i have my own key. It felt strange but i am on a mission. Locking myself in the gym i set out to do my exercises. In these final days until Monday i am giving it all i have and i did. If i had known what would be happening in my life, i know i would have started this daily workout much sooner and i would have already reached my goal, but here i am. Flaws and all. i stare in the mirror and wish i could go back in time, but i can’t. i gave life three times, and it was so hard on my body. Even if i get it back to where it was as far as shape and it is so close, it will still never be the same. My body has been to hell and back. The body can go back to shape i see, and stretchmarks they will fade to a degree, but never ever go away completely. They are embarrassing , even if they are my badges for giving three lives, as i look in the mirror and stare at the marks, i will never accept them. Why did i have to get stretchmarks? i hope i am not a disappointment to him, i hope his expectations are not too high for me. i really like him so much already in these last almost four months that we have been communicating daily. Tomorrow is the big day. i couldn’t sleep last night, i am so excited and nervous. More excited than anything though. i really want him to like me as much as i like him. i know he feels the same way about that. He has been working out every day too, sometimes twice a day, and that puts a smile on my face as i sit here and think about it.
This leaves today and very very early tomorrow left to work out. Still hoping for that tiny miracle, i see improvement, but looking for more. There is always room for improvement.
My workout last night as follows:
Ab Crunch machine 40 lbs 155 times
Leg Press 55 lbs 50 times
Throne 95 times ( i have really come a long way from when i could only do two!)
Lat Pull down 25 lbs 20 times
Seated Dip 25 lbs 25 times
i am feeling much stronger than i did about a month ago. i can’t believe i can do 95 leg lifts on that throne! That is exciting! And the ab machine i will never forget when i first used it. The first few times i used that machine when i joined the gym i could only do 20 lbs and about 30 reps. i have come a long way, and i will continue to go further.
i will try to get back to my journal. tonight with today’s work out. Tomorrow and Tuesday, i may not get a chance to write. My anticipation of tomorrow is overwhelming. i am looking forward to a great couple of days! Deep breaths!
Excited, anticipating, nervous, happy, i feel like i may burst! Monday is fast approaching, i have never looked forward to a day in such a long time as i am looking forward to Monday. It is so special to me. This smile, no matter what is going on, frustrations with work, home, family, it doesn’t matter, the smile stays. That first meeting. My heart is practically racing with excitement as i type this. i don’t think i will have time to write in my blog on Monday or Tuesday coming up. Deep breaths, i hope i can sleep these next two nights. i will need my rest. That is all i can say about it. i can hardly wait. i wish today was Monday.
i worked out yesterday, i am just now getting here to log it. As the final days of my 30 day challenge are here with only a couple of days left i am in my desperate attempts to shape up NOW, i have come a good ways to improvement, but i fear i still have a long way to go and i really wanted to look my best by Monday, This was so important to me. i pulled out the measure tape a couple days ago. Since i began this challenge i have lost two inches in my hips and about an inch in my waist. My legs are looking a little better, but still need some work. My butt is looking better, my abs, well they are better than they were, but i am still not happy with them, That C-Section area is a tough one to fix. It has improved but not enough. Monday was a very important day for me, i wish i could have done better,.i also strained one of my knees on a machine the other day trying to use too much weights. Therefore i had to be careful working out yesterday. However, i will still continue on with my daily workout because i know it is working.
Yesterday 3 – 13 15 Workout as follows:
Ab crunch Machine 40 lbs 115 times
Throne 55 times
Leg Press 55 lbs 70 times
Lat pull down 25 lbs 30 times
Treadmill 3.18 miles
It is getting down to the wire now. i worked a very physical job today all day and i am exhausted. My mind says i need to still go to the gym. The rest of me says i want dinner, a bath, and bed. i think i am opting for the dinner, bath and bed i can hardly keep my eyes open.
With only four days left of my challenge now i am pleading with my body to cooperate! i am giving it all i have just hoping to do what i set out to do. i have been trying so desperately to get this body toned. i may fall short, but i do think that eventually it will be toned, just not as quick as i had hoped for. i strained my knee on one of the machines yesterday, so i stayed off all the leg work equipment except the treadmill,
My workout earlier tonight as follows:
Ab crunch machine 40 lbs 100 times
throne (hanging equipment) 40 leg raises
Treadmill 3.76 miles
lat pull down 25 lbs 25 times
then back to the ab crunch machine 35 lbs. 75 times
floor exercises on yoga mat, numerous crunches, leg lifts, butt lifts, pelvic tilts, 5 inches ( 5 inches is where you lift your head and upper body off the floor about 5 inches and also raise your legs up off the floor keeping them straight about five inches off the floor, also hands are at your sides palms facing down but off the floor, do not support yourself with them. The only support you have is your bottom that is the only part of you still touching the floor. it can be as numerous lifts, or one lift lasting ten seconds or more put your head and legs back down and do it again. this is felt primarily in the lower abs and upper abs.) i do both continuous and steady.
i worked out earlier today. The gym was much busier than when i usually go. However, i don’t live in the best neighborhood and it was suggested to me by someone that i try to get to work out earlier than what i have been doing. It was nice to be home from working out before it got dark outside. i may try to even go earlier. Not much time left for this challenge. This challenge is over on March 15th. Although the challenge will be over i will continue to work out daily. i feel great. i also don’t think i will be quite where i want to be at the end but i have tried so hard. Eventually, i may reach my goal, It is not a goal of weight, but more of it is a goal of shape and toning.
Today’s work out:
Seated leg curl 40 lbs 20 times
Leg press 55 lbs. 35 times
Outer thigh 55 lbs 25 times
Inner thigh 40 lbs 25 times
ab crunch 35 lbs 75 times
ab crunch 45 lbs 45 times
Seated Dip 25 lbs 25 times
Lat pull down 25 lbs 25 times
i am working at my desk getting orders ready to go, and i can’t even wipe the smile off my face. How can one person feel so happy? i have amazing adventures coming up, and i think i am one of the happiest and grateful people on earth right now.
Now i have to hurry and finish my work then two dance classes and working out at the gym, Still trying to get this body in shape, six days left of my challenge! i feel great!