sparkles journal

bdsm, Owned and collared, slave, submission, daily life, and life's reflections

Daily Reflections – 30 Days to a Better Me

Final days approaching and i forgot to work out yesterday remembering at almost 11 pm while i was on facebook.  Like i had spare time or something!  lol.  All of a sudden it was like a light turned on, i hurried, cleared my history, lol, shut down the laptop, found my shoes and hurried off to the gym!  i was completely alone in there, i have my own key.  It felt strange but i am on a mission.  Locking myself in the gym i set out to do my exercises.  In these final days until Monday i am giving it all i have and i did.  If i had known what would be happening in my life, i know i would have started this daily workout much sooner and i would have already reached my goal, but here i am.  Flaws and all.  i stare in the mirror and wish i could go back in time, but i can’t.  i gave life three times, and it was so hard on my body.  Even if i get it back to where it was as far as shape and it is so close, it will still never be the same.  My body has been to hell and back.  The body can go back to shape i see, and stretchmarks they will fade to a degree, but never ever go away completely. They are embarrassing , even if they are my badges for giving three lives, as i look in the mirror and stare at the marks, i will never accept them. Why did i have to get stretchmarks?   i hope i am not a disappointment to him, i hope his expectations are not too high for me.  i really like him so much already in these last almost four months that we have been communicating daily.  Tomorrow is the big day.  i couldn’t sleep last night, i am so excited and nervous.  More excited than anything though.  i really want him to like me as much as i like him.  i know he feels the same way about that.  He has been working out every day too, sometimes twice a day, and that puts a smile on my face as i sit here and think about it.

This leaves today and very very early tomorrow left to work out.  Still hoping for that tiny miracle, i see improvement, but looking for more. There is always room for improvement.

My workout last night as follows:

Ab Crunch machine  40 lbs   155 times

Leg Press  55 lbs 50 times

Throne 95 times   ( i have really come a long way from when i could only do two!)

Lat Pull down  25 lbs  20 times

Seated Dip 25 lbs  25 times

i am feeling much stronger than i did about a month ago.  i can’t believe i can do 95 leg lifts on that throne!  That is exciting!  And the ab machine i will never forget when i first used it.  The first few times i used that machine when i joined the gym i could only do 20 lbs and about 30 reps.  i have come a long way, and i will continue to go further.

i will try to get back to my journal. tonight with today’s work out.  Tomorrow  and Tuesday, i may not get a chance to write.  My anticipation of tomorrow is overwhelming.  i am looking forward to a great couple of days!  Deep breaths!

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