sparkles journal

bdsm, Owned and collared, slave, submission, daily life, and life's reflections

Daily Reflections

This was suppose to be a great week. But here it is the week over and has left me in a state of depression. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and i am not sure if there is any light shedding my way. It has left me in such a depressed state. This month has been very slow for sales, the worse in months. i don’t understand what happened. The sales that have gone out have brought me rave reviews. I couldn’t have wrote them better myself! None the less, my sales are about half the amount as usual this October. I really hope November is better. i was looking forward to this past week and all the wonderful things in store. As i watched the week unfold things just went so wrong. i had some strange occurrences and some just don’t make sense.
i needed to get a little more exercise than what i have been getting so i could tone up. i called a local gym and i was thinking of joining so they gave me a free seven day pass. Very exciting for me. I went the first day and i enjoyed the equipment. Then i waited a couple days before i went back due to being so busy with work. The next day that i went i was alone, and i didn’t want to bring my purse inside so i left it in my car, tucked up by the seat on the floor, it blended in. i know i locked the car, then went inside the gym. i was in there for quite a while working out. i really enjoyed it. Then i left and headed to the car. i got inside and reached down on the floor for my purse. It wasn’t there. Remaining calm i thought maybe it went under the seat. i got out of the car and walked to the passenger side and opened the door. i squatted down and looked, nothing. Just a bare floor. I thought to myself don’t panic. i looked from there to the drivers side i didn’t see it. i walked back around to the drivers side, opened the door and squatted land stuck my head in. No purse, just an empty floor. i looked under the seat, the purse is a decent size but i humored myself and looked anyway. Scanning the entire front floor and under the seats, nope, not there. Just to give a thorough evaluation i opened the back door and looked, i don’t know why. No, it was gone. My heart sank. i stood there and took a deep breath and told myself to remain calm because freaking out and crying was not going to help matters. i did notice a large car parked about four spaces to the left and back of me aimed in my direction with the motor running, dark tinted windows, i couldn’t see inside. i was tempted to walk over and see if the had my purse but common sense told me not to do it, because really if they stole my purse, they might have a gun and it wasn’t worth getting killed for. One thing for sure it was gone, with my phone, and a fair amount of cash, and credit cards, and bank cards. i shut the door of my car and locked it and went back to the gym. i walked in the office and calmly said to the girl at the desk “i need to call the police, someone has stolen my purse out of my car.” the police were there in less then five minutes. Meanwhile i had called my husband who was out with his sister and yelled at me saying he wasn’t home. Fine just like everything else in my life i will do this myself. i went out to the car with the policeman who took the report and called the crime scene investigator to come out for prints. I tried to tell both of the police officers about the car, it was gone but the car was there when i was looking for my purse, i had a feeling they might have it. They insisted whoever took it would not still be sitting there watching me. My daughter arrived and she went looking in the bushes and trash cans to see if maybe they just took the cash and got rid of the purse. Nothing found. The police looked in my car and took pictures of the empty floor. i don’t know why. They did finger prints but came up empty and said they must have worn gloves. They told me never leave anything in my car or trunk that i wouldn’t leave on the hood of my car and walk away. Fine a hard lesson to learn, too late. i had to go to two different banks and cancel four debit cards to my accounts, my husband was with me, but didn’t really seemed too concerned. He had made a comment to me that he bets i don’t go to that gym anymore. I told him, it had nothing to do with the the gym and i will be joining it. He told me it could have been worse, they could have taken the car. Meanwhile, the car that i had tried to tell the police and my husband about seemed to be behind me at the bank and in the traffic. i told him the car was following us and he said it was coincidence. I didn’t think it was coincidence. So now that i cancelled four debit cards i had to go buy a phone, since they got that too. I drove to the phone store. On the way to the phone store my husband said something very odd, he said “wouldn’t it be weird if your purse just magically showed up at home or something.” i said “it is not going to show up it was stolen i had it on the floor, i looked, the police looked in the car too, it is gone.” He said “but if it did it would be funny, you would have two phones, do you want to go home first and see if you might have left it there.” i said “NO, I left it on the floor of the car i remember because i was worried about leaving my phone in the heat of the car, but decided i didn’t want to have to keep track of it in the gym and i put in in my purse and put the purse on the floor and it is GONE!” i pulled into the parking lot of the phone store and parked. We went in. We were in there for less than five minutes and he said he was going outside to smoke He was out there for at least five minutes or more. i bought the phone, they turned my other phone off and turned the new one on. We went out to the car My husband grabbed my car keys and said you don’t need these you can’t drive you don’t have a license.” I grabbed them back and informed him i do it was just stolen but i have a police report number in case i get pulled over. i went to the drivers side of the car and sat down and felt my foot hit something. i looked down and my purse that was not there earlier had returned and was placed carefully on my floor. i was shocked, as i know it was not there, and i am sure if i over looked it when the police searched my car for it they would have seen it there, they even took pictures. He picked it up and opened it and said look everything is still there. My wallet with my debit cards (the ones that i just closed out), my wallet with my $100. cash, and cards, licence, phone. It was all there. I looked at him and i told him i wanted to know how it got there and i referred to the car that was following us. He told me “Oh yes a criminal is going to steal your purse follow you all around town, then unlock your car and put it back?, Just be grateful you got it back and everything is in it.” Then he proceeded to tell me that i was going crazy and it must have been there the entire time and if i called the police and told them it was back they would think i was a fruit loop. The thing is, i know it was not there and there had to be a connection with that car. When i got home i told my daughter about the car following us. Everyone had dismissed that car. She said “Mom can you describe the car to me?” So i told her exactly what the car looked like. She told me she had a feeling when i told her about the car in the parking lot earlier. Then she told me something interesting. She told me she tried to call me earlier that day after i had left, but i didn’t answer my phone. I never heard it. She told me that right after i left and pulled out of the drive way my husband moved very quickly and grabbed his keys and got in his truck and left. She had a feeling he was following me. She wanted to warn me. The car that was following me? i had completely forgotten that my sister in law has two cars. I forgot about that one, but yes it was exactly like hers. I can’t prove anything, however, my daughter and i have come up with a solution. He jumped in his truck, the gym is two minutes down the road. His sister lives close by. He went and picked her up and they came to the gym where i was parked. He had been very suspicious lately because i have passwords on everything including my phone and i won’t let him look at it. i have found my lap top open in my office twice i know i closed it. So him and his sister must have went to the gym and he unlocked my car and got my purse and him and his sister went through it. They probably had a hard time with my password because in a million years they would never figure it out because my husband thinks he knows me, but he really doesn’t know me at all. I am guessing he counted my cash and who knows what else. Which explains why the car was following me, and why he was outside for more than five minutes to smoke and why my purse magically appeared on my car floor. But i can’t prove any of it.
The next morning i had my alarm set for 7 am for a job that i do. I know i set it because i have this thing that bot matter what i check it twice and look and make sure the dot is lit up. And i was staring at it when i went to sleep. My alarm never went off. My husband woke me up around nine am, when i was actually suppose to be on the job and asked if i was going to my job or not. The alarm had been turned off. I did not turn it off.
Yesterday i was suppose to be on television in the morning for a dance routine. i was so excited about it all week. I was going to be on live television at 9:45 am. i woke up at 5 to make sure i would be there on time, in plenty of time. The roads downtown are very confusing and when the police start blocking off the roads for events it gets even more confusing and this was a big event. i had explained to my husband numerous times that i get confused when i go downtown and when they start closing everything off it really looks different, he knows his way very well and he wasn’t doing anything. i just wanted a ride and i would find a ride home. He told me i would not get lost to just drive myself. i practically begged him to just drive me he didn’t have to stay, i just wanted to make sure i would be there . He knew i would get lost. He would not drive me. He didn’t feel like it. i set my gps on my phone and it took me by the way of the interstate to downtown, then as my luck was going this week my gps went off and said sorry google can’t be accessed. I tried to find it , i pulled off the side of the road and tried to access my gps, nothing. i kept driving. I didn’t have any phone numbers they were in my other phone that had been turned off, i couldn’t call anyone else in the show to help me find them. I saw a police officer and asked for directions. His directions were just follow that car in front of you that is where they are going. The light turned red, he was standing there putting up barricades, and the car i was going to follow was going quick, i thought “screw it” i went through the red light, after all he told me to follow that car. One block later i lost that car. i drove around about another twenty minutes and found it, but as luck was going there were no parking places and i had to park about a mile away and walk. When i finally arrived, the news crew was getting in their van to leave, I had missed it. I was so upset. i went back to my car that was parallel parked and now boxed in. Front and back cars parked within about two inches from my car. I got in my car to stay warm, it was a very cold and windy day. I had been sitting in my car for about an hour when the people who were parked in front of me came back. i was able to leave. I thought about staying for the day but i was parked in three hour parking and my onstage performance wasn’t until 3:20. It was still morning. I went home where my husband was on the computer. i had called him from the car and he knew i was very upset. I walked by him and i didn’t even look at him. i went to the kitchen and fixed myself some lunch, i didn’t even ask if he wanted any. After all, if he would have just given me a ride i wouldn’t have missed the opportunity of being on television to dance. He said “i really didn’t think you would get lost.” I said “Really, because i told you i would, i knew i wouldn’t find it, it’s all one way’s and even if i gave it a test drive before hand, i would have still got lost because they had streets blocked off.” He said “i really didn’t think you would, i’m sorry.” I said “TOO LATE.” i ate my lunch then went in my office to answer some customer emails. When it was time for me to leave and go back of which i figured i was in for at least a three mile walk when i parked so i was leaving early he said he would take me. i made arrangements for a ride home. He dropped me off, and i did perform my dance. The dance that i had memorized that i had practiced every day for 45 minutes a day, that i could have done in my sleep. Given the week i had why would it be any different. I screwed up. I am so mad at myself. I am so depressed. i am considering not doing anymore shows. My bad mood is really bad because i am trying to figure out what my husband is up to. i am pretty sure he had something to do with my purse disappearing and reappearing, my alarm being turned off, then knowing i can never drive down town without getting lost. This has been a bad week.


  1. oceanswater

    Wow, sounds like someone is trying to drive you crazy. Don’t allow it.

    • Yes, that is what i thought, exactly. I am onto him.

  2. OMG this is so unbelievable. You can’t let him continue to harass and intimidate you like this. You need some help. Perhaps your daughter?

    • Yes i know, i don’t know what this is leading to,or why he is doing this, but both of my daughters have told me to be very careful. At least they are aware of what is going on. i am trying to work on leaving as soon as i can. i have to make a plan.

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