sparkles journal

bdsm, Owned and collared, slave, submission, daily life, and life's reflections

A submissive’s daily reflections

A depressing day.  i managed to drag myself out of bed . i would have stayed there most of the day but the UPS guy woke me up with a package for one of my businesses.  i don’t even know what he looked like.   i took my shower and dressed. i even put on my favorite boots.  My skin looks tired and dull today.  i don’t know if it is from all the vodka i consumed to numb me or the crying that took its toll or both.  So. i put on my make up except for mascara because it will probably end up on my face. and did my hair.  Still look and feel blah!  This hurts to the inner soul. and there are moments when i just wish the earth would consume me. as though i don’t exist.  i have businesses to run so i had to drive to the post office.  i didn’t want to. but i did.  There is one thing i am grateful for today. only one.  Pollen.  Yes i am, grateful for pollen because it is easier for me to tell people that it is my allergies acting up when they see me than to tell them that i am depressed and heartbroken.  Yes, allergies making my eyes bloodshot and watery. my skin tired and dull. and me just not looking like my usual happy self.  It is a good thing it is just the beginning of Spring here.  This way since it will take me a while to get over this. i have pollen to blame. so much easier than saying i am depressed because “we” are no longer.  It is almost 4 pm and the package a large box that i was awaken to answer the door for this morning sits on my office floor. unopened.  i don’t have the energy.  How will i belly dance tonight?  My guess.probably not well.  Not sure i will even make it there.


  1. I feel like we’re walking the same death march. *hugs as much for me as for you too

    • Thank you, and hugs to you too. It does feel like a death march. i hate this feeling but it is here.

  2. 😦 hope you find a reason to truly smile soon.

    • Thank you.but i think it will be a while. xx

  3. I’m sorry things are so tough for you right now. Spring is here … time for rebirth. Believe!

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