sparkles journal

bdsm, Owned and collared, slave, submission, daily life, and life's reflections

My Self Evaluation

i have given it some thought and i wondered to myself, if i gave myself a self evaluation now, what would it be like.  As i stood in front of a full length mirror i looked at myself.  i use to be young and pretty but through the years i have gone through some changes.  To think at one time in my life people use to pay to see me dance.  i use to have such a nice body in my twenties.  Time hasn’t been too unkind. i still look younger than my age.   Childbearing was hard on the body.  i have managed to get down to a size four.  Looking in the mirror starting with my hair.  My hair use to be sleek, smooth, thick and long.  Now it has waves and body that wasn’t there before and is still thick and  long but now i have to work at making it look smooth and upon a closer look,  i found five gray hairs, on no.,  i will have to fix that. No problem there.  My eyes are still just a hazel with long eyelashes that flutter and if you look into them you will see warmth, but now there are a couple of small smile wrinkles that i never had.  That just means i spent many times smiling because i was happy.  My smile is still as nice as it has always been and one of my assets.  My face is finally clear and bright, it shows care and emotions.  It is what people see when they look at me.  It shows my happiness, my caring, my energy, my tiredness, my sorrow, and from time to time my anger.  My shoulders are firm, strong bearing the weight of the world sometimes.  i offer them for whoever needs a shoulder to cry on.  My arms are still smooth.  They are how i show someone i care with a hug because i can wrap them around someone, i can use them to hold someone.  I also can use them for work and play.  My hands are a little dryer than they use to be.  i put lotion on them to keep them smooth. My nails are pretty because they are professionally done.    My hands are used for so many things. They are used to touch, feel, hold, caress, massage, rub, to say come here without speaking a word, to work, to sew, to make things, they show that i care, i love.  My breast are still full.  i was worried  when i went down to a size four that they would also get small because they are real.  One of my best features, they stayed a D cup.  They are full, soft, round, still up.  Gravity hasn’t ruined them, childbearing has not ruined them..  My breast are a  part of me that i can still be proud of..My upper stomach is smooth, small framed, and still looks nice.  My abdomen, didn’t hold up so well.  i use to have such a nice abdomen, smooth, flat, young.  Now i see stretch marks from three childbirths, not as smooth as it use to be.  It will never be the same and i have never come to terms with that.  i put lotion on it every day, smoothing it out the best i can.  It is my badge for giving life three times and those three lives gave life to give me my beautiful grand children which i feel way too young to have, but they are there and i use my arms to hug them every chance i get.  i love them so much.  My heart which can not be physically seen is full of love.  So full of the abundance of love and caring that at times it feels overly full.  i never knew i could love so much.  This heart that i have loves so many people, and animals.  It never runs out of love.  From my family to my friends and my pets, my heart never seems to run out of love, because its love is so abundant.  My legs use to be more muscular, now they are average.  Not bad for my age i guess.  They take me where i want to go.  They still look good in high heels, and they love to dance, and they are great for wrapping around someone.  i love to wrap them around someone.  My feet are still nice, with high arches.  Which leaves me with two more parts to evaluate.  My butt and my pussy.  My butt use to be very toned and now i am looking at it could use a little toning and i am working on that.  Still, it still looks nice.  Thanks to the tanning bed it is nice and tan, and it looks hot in a thong.  Yes, i use my butt to sit on, show off when i bend over, and i think men still like to look at it.   Last but not least of all, my pussy.  My pussy clean shaven for i have nothing to hide.  Nothing on me is hidden at all.  This part of me is very versatile. My pussy has pushed out babies and did its purpose of work for that.  It is also the part of me that i am not happy with one week out of every month.  That week it gives me more misery than i think i can take sometimes. My pussy is used to give pleasure.  To make a man so very satisfied, that i hope he would be addicted to me, to want me, to keep me and forever use me whenever he needs me, to feel like he couldn’t be without me.   It also can give me more pleasure than i think i can handle sometimes. When it is touched, it can take me to ecstasy. The orgasms so strong, so incredibly ,out of this world, amazing.   What a fantastic feeling the pussy can give and receive.

My attitude changes sometimes.  My attitude has it’s good days and bad days, like anyone else.  For the most part i have a good positive attitude, a positive outlook on life.  Those days, everything is good, great in fact.  Some days i doubt myself, and i wonder if anyone really wants me.  i wonder if they would miss me if i was no longer around.  Sometimes i wonder if i am really wanted or if some people in particular are just being nice because they know my feelings get hurt easily.  Being a submissive, i have a tender heart, it has a lot of love and breaks easily. I am one to wear my feelings on my sleeve so to speak.  My feelings can be shattered like fragile glass.   i use to put up walls to protect my feelings but i have taken them down and it has left me vulnerable.  Open. i give love and happiness, but my feelings can get hurt very easily.

My work attitude and ethics are amazingly strong.  I work usually from morning til late night.  Most days, i put in at least a sixteen hour work day, sometimes more.  i am harder on myself than any boss i ever had, and i am my worse critic.  However,  i always put my best foot forward and give everything 110% if not more. I always look for something positive in my day.  My attitude for the most part is usually very good.

That is my self evaluation.  I can’t rate it on any numbers.  It is just an honest evaluation of how i see myself..


  1. phoenixasubbie

    I really loved that post. Xx

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